Neha has been kind enough to ask me to guest-blog. Since I did not have a clue about what to write about, I chose something which happened to me years ago. Now those days seem like a happy dream. Dreams nonetheless, and we have to wake up from a dream someday. One more thing, I think Dus Kahaniyan is one of the best movies coming out of Bollywood recently. Why have I referred to it? I dunno. It just seems right before what I want to tell.
At one point in my movement as a neophyte in
Hi...
Hi!
How come you know English?
I think you should go home…
I can't; have left it all…
Who's there at home?
Mom & Pop
Did you tell them before leaving home?
Nope, the books say that you have to be 'aniket' and sarvsangabivarjita…
Did you ever live in a hostel?
Nope!
What are you?
18, You? Who is there in your home?
One sec, how much have you studied?
Class XII
That's all!? Do you know that those who can't study generally make lousy monks? Studying brother is easier than finding God…
Have you studied?
Somewhat…I think you should go home before you are sodomized on the road…
I want to be a monk…I have read the Bible, the Gita and the Upanishads…
Fine! take off everything and go into town…(I just stood there)...Do you know what's happening to your folks? See that man… (pointing to a gutter-snipe type)…go and hug him (I am still standing)…have you ever been in love?…
No! No! I follow the Rule, I do not look up and gawk at girls…
May be you are not mature enough for love….how can you love God if you can't love people…go home; you'll meet the right girl…
You never said how much you studied?
PhD.
Really? So how come you are naked? PhD from where? Did you ever fall in love?
MIT. The thought never entered my mind…always felt had to study and then leave everything…I have taken diksha from a Naga…
Days pass…we are going down to Siliguri…the naked man and I…
Will you give me diksha?
Silence...Then a reluctant: Fine!
He knows the roads. He does not speak. He just walks and walks:
One bitterly cold night he gives me diksha. We are on a corpse and he asks me to look in its face and pray.
All I mumbled was God help me for the hurt I did to my parents.
He saw me down to Siliguri…
…I went on to study a bit and met my future wife in college. I am not really religious. My wife is a devout Jain and her devotion soothes me. My mentor calls me once in a while and lives right now in some lonely place in Indo-China. Why did I do what I did and why does he live the way he does? Can't answer…same way I can't tell you why I love my wife so. Fact is…that's the way things are. Well, nothing has changed for me as such. Only difference, I now know that one can be happy wherever one is. That is all. I do not seek God; neither do I seek out Gurus: I sleep when I want to, enjoy being a periodical hedonist and just revel in the miracle of life. I do not know where I am going but I am happy. I have as yet; no regrets…only thing, someday I want a house in the hills. A quiet gardened place cut off from everything.
I go every year now to Catholic monasteries and live for at least two weeks a year in total silence. That's about it.
If there is anything I learnt from my mentor: I learnt that LOVE is all. Nothing else matters.
16 ~CONFESSIONS~:
that was a really interesting stry .. I alwyz wonder wht it wud b like jus goin out in those hills alone fr quite a while n exploring wht is called the 'truth' .. or may b jus exploring ..
Waow!
I just can't tell you, how calm i feel after I read this.
thanks Neha! this was just great!
Rhapsodyinger! Thanks for sharing this!
wow, that was really an experience which chanegd ur life.. gald that it changed you for good...
@ anuj, veens & --xh--
Thanks for your kind comments and interest…but somewhere in my post I must have gone wrong.
There is nothing, I repeat nothing, adventurous about being alone anywhere. For most of us, that might turn into a nightmare at any moment…
@ veens
The whole purpose of spirituality is to agitate and not calm down. There exists too much injustice in our blighted earth to ever calm down. We cannot afford to calm down. I have failed in my post…
Is there any TRUTH? Don’t think so. All that we see are merely human constructs and thus liable to vanish someday. & that is the only truth. I am amazed by the beauty of this vanishing world. We just dream on…
I understand only one thing now, only Love remains. Then again, all that I can think of love is conditional…every single one…give & take though we will never articulate that…but the Love that one feels momentarily, for just a few moments when a crow caws or a dog barks or in the far away sound of a train going into oblivion; I think that remains.
It’s really kind of Neha to post me here. Thanks…
@ Rhapsodysinger...
:) stop thankin me...enough seriously....
nice to see that ur taking the initiative of explaining what u wanted to convey when smone interprets it in a different way....
thnx...
thank you for sharing this great person, the great blogs. the flow of the story, it is with purpose. amazing.
have u read Gao Xingjian's books? His novel Soul Mountain has a similar journey of enlightenment take of life. amazing imagery.
When I saw the opinion in the very beginning of this excellent post, I thought of turning away from the page.
But as is usual in life, the first glance tells a lot, but I gather so little from it. I thought this was just another guy about to discuss popular culture.
I realised how wrong I was when I continued to read. Mr. Rhapsodysinger, I am inspired. Your writing style is great!
I believe that God doesn't exist and 'leaving the world' to find God is one of the most futile of activities (this is just my opinion, not meant for offense).
Yet, I liked your experience. It triggered a fury of questions within me: What made you leave home? How did you reach where you reached? How did you survive being away from parents? What about the diksha, why was it so important to you? Why do you need to frequent Catholic monasteries?
And most importantly, I liked the fact that you returned back to your parents. I liked the lesson you learnt and want to share. About love. But another question: you say love is all. But love for what? Everything? or Anything?
@ghost-particle
I have not yet read Soul Mountain, will read it...one thing, I am precisely against the kind of great journeys holy men have undertaken...vide. Siddharta by Herman Hesse ( see the Simi Garewal movie). I believe that for most of us , the journey has to be so mundane that we miss the beauty of it all.
@Alok
I am a traditional guy at heart.It is like when we are little tiny kids we have to learn from our teachers that Cat stands for a four legged feline with green eyes. We can't question that in say, nursery...likewise, Diksha/Baptism?Initiation are important. They bring a sense of rootedness,of tradition and only when we have tradition can individuality blossom. Say we spoke something like this : "popoketapetapotopultice" does it mean anything? Though highly original, it does not make sense. In life we have to build from within ( a tradition ). That's why diksha is important...
I survived by begging and living off the streets, a strange thing for a pampered single child. I did miss my mom a lot. I was so convinced that what I was doing is right that till I met Fr. Kingley at Ghoom ( I forget the school there) I did not understand the import of my family. Then when I met the Naga, I realized the great evil I had done by leaving home.
I go to Catholic monasteries ( in spite of being a confirmed Hindu) is because they are very hospitable and allow husband and wife to be together in their premises. I do not believe in being separate while in retreat. In fact artha, kama etc. all are needed for the likes of me if I were to taste peace. & most importantly, I have a lot of clerical friends who are monks and nuns and they arrange for me to stay.
Love? Can't tell you much about it...the rose loses its beauty when dissected under the microscope. You know there is a saying, neither disturb the earth while alive, nor be disturbed. But I have not reached this level...for me love definitely extends to fine dining ;-)
"I do not know where I am going but I am happy. I have as yet; no regrets…only thing, someday I want a house in the hills. A quiet gardened place cut off from everything."
"I learnt that LOVE is all. Nothing else matters."
Seriously speaking almost right to the end I didn't understand what you were getting at. These last few lines .. fantastic ..! Made much more sense than many books Ive read.
For me, the rose becomes more beautiful when I see it under a microscope.
Hence my curious nature.
Thank you for the answers! Just wanted to know.
@alok
Hmm, each to his own beauty...but I suppose you got the drift of what I mean...too much analysis often kills the joy...
@R3d3MpTioN
Often experiences close to our hearts cannot be expressed. & also there is the limitation of personal talent. Am no writer. Just a plain lazy bum!
he he.. geniuses are often the laziest bums around.. and so are most great philosophers..
Phew! That's taking things too far...ha, ha...
wow..tht was amazing..sometimes we think we knw what we are doing...but it takes someone else to tell us tht maybe we cud b wrong in doing tht thing :)
I am just simply amazed or should I say Awwed by your powerful personal experience.
I really feel that somehow your mentor was meant to be there that point in your life. He sort of brought you ... what you were looking for...
O well. Thank you for sharing :)
@maverick & Neeku
Thanks for your comments...and i believe that when the time is ripe, things happen...but I hasten to add...that there is evil, I do not mean any abstract absence of good, there is a real pulsating Evil everyhwhere which thwarts everything...we must be careful ...
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COnfess here!!!